Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
