Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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