So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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