You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
