Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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