You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
