Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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