I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yo dont text me then not text me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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