I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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