you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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