i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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