i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
