i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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