At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
