I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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