dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
