ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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