don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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