Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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