he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want her autograph on my taint
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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