Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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