Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize