I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
