Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
