hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
