if you like me you must not know who I am
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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