i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
