it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
