Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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