Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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