for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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