just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
