if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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