i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
