Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
