That's intense
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
