We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
