what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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