No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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