DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
