I want to stick my p in your. b.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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