i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A+ Viking dick
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
