Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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