I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
