you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
