He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
