I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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