Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we're so committed to being not committed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
