I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear