Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel