dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.