I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
