I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am spending my child support on dildos
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......