Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.