I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
