WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing