Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....