It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
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