just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween