wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
