all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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