Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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