Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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