my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
