I smell stomach acid.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
