i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
