you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
