I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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