Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
