Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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