It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
