my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
