It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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