Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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