I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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